Today

Today

As I crawl into bed tonight I am exhausted, physically and emotionally. My eyes hurt from staying at my phone and aimlessly scrolling to not feel discomfort.

Each day I attempt to surrender to what the day has in store but inevitably I find myself fighting with some aspect of it. I drop the boys off at school, go about my day and then prepare for pick up.

Pick up that crap shoot time where I get the low down on how they day went for them. I have gotten so much better at not attaching my worth as a mom to their day, but it doesn’t mean it doesn’t hurt or that I won’t feel disappointed.

The emotions of this preteen phase can be so brutal and overwhelming and yet I know I am not alone.

Each human out there is navigating their own struggles, some just hide it better than others. Me, well I choose to share about it because that is who I am and why I share my story.

I am grateful to be going to bed and we are all safe and healthy I never take that for granted. However, I still do honor that life is hard right now and has been for a quite a while with these boys. Some days are better than others. Today was a day of surrender and though it took me a while to get there I did.

Sometimes quickly, sometimes slowly. I will continue to show up to the best of my ability and remember I am not in charge.